Life happens in an instant and is so unpredictable. One day its rainbows and butterflies, the next its stormy clouds and torrential downpour. Life is all to short to be wasting it on anything other than making it the happiest place you can be. After all you only get one life to live, why not do it the best? You are the creator of your future, only you have the ability to make it everything you want.
These last few months I have come to the realization that this life is way to short to spend it not talking to those “once an important part in your life” people because of past situations. Past events or conversations that went wrong and lead to the relationship falling apart. I’ve made a vow to myself to make the next year (and the many to follow) about living life to its fullest, fixing the things I have the power to fix or change, even if that means sometimes swallowing my pride.
We all need to do that by the way, swallow our pride. Make amends with our past mistakes. move forward. Learn to let go. Forgive. Don’t forget, but forgive, not for the other party but for yourself.
Why do we let petty fights or arguments ruin a Relationship? I’m talking friendships, close relationships with family and/or friends. Looking back on the reason(s) a good relationship ended; are you able to say “Yeah, there’s no way at all that could have gone differently, there’s no way it can or could ever be fixed. It was completely logical and right the way we ended things.” If you can look back at the entire situation and HONESTLY say to yourself that you are okay never speaking to that person again, never knowing what is going on in their life, never trying to make things right between you . Than Congratulations, you made a good decision that you can be happy, without a single regret for the rest of your life. However, this is rarely and not always the case. If you still find yourself thinking or concerned about what is happening in their life, if you still go over the way things ended in your head and come up with things you could have, should have or maybe shouldn’t have said, think to yourself; “If something were to happen to this person today (knock on wood) would I be able to stand here, content with the way things ended? knowing there was absolutely nothing in the world I could have done to change things?” If you wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing that you could have made things differently, had you only sat down and really talked, or heaven forbid swallowed your pride for 5 minutes. Then you need to re-evaluate the situation.
All it takes is a little effort. Send that person a message, or call them up, and if they don’t reply, don’t give up right away. Try again. Try a couple different times. You let that person know exactly what you’re feeling. You tell them how you feel about the situation, about what happened. At least you can rest easy knowing that YOU have tried. All that matters at the end of the day is that you tried. You tried to reach out. You swallowed your pride and you can rest knowing that while things might not have gone as you might have planned, you tried and that’s all that really counts.
What you don’t know, is that the other person might be sitting there on the other end thinking the same thoughts, having the same feelings, thinking about how things went wrong, thinking how they would like to talk about things, maybe try to make things right. Dialing their number or sending that message might be the most nerve racking moment, but it could lead to such beautiful things, that could turn your life around. It is never to late to start over. Whether you have 6 months, 5 years, 10, 20, 30 years of history, its never to late to try and make it all right.
It will all start with a crucial conversation, however, I cant stress enough that the situation needs to be handled like mature, reasonable adults. This isn’t the time to place blame, to get mad or yell, or a time to point fingers. This is a time when you need to sit down together, and just lay it all on the table. And I mean ALL of it. Tell the person sitting across from you how they made you feel, what your thoughts were and currently are on the whole situation, maybe what you were going through at the time, say anything and everything that you need to get off your chest. (Remember, to stay calm and collected, be respectful and mindful of your words) Let your guard down. This is a person you were once so close with and you should be able to be vulnerable in front of them (however hard or awkward it might feel) Listen. Don’t interrupt. Don’t just hear that they say, Listen to the words, process them, try to understand their side of the story. This situation that you guys went through was not one sided. You both contributed to the downward spiral of your relationship. Most of importantly, don’t get angry about something they say, if maybe they interpreted something differently than you did. We are humans, we are all different, we all read situations differently. Remember that. No one is perfect. You are coming together to solve some past issues not to get everyone all heated about past events. We cant change these events but we can learn from them.
This conversation doesn’t mean that you will be best friends right away or maybe ever again, or that the relationship will return to exactly the way it was. Maybe this will lead to a better relationship. Whatever the case may be, it is supposed to give you a sense of peace. So that you can return home, continue on with your life without dwelling over that part of the past. The best thing that will come out of this is a lesson. Maybe you’ll realize the things you were or are still doing wrong, things you can personally change. We are not the same people we were a year ago, 6 months ago, even a month ago. We are constantly growing and learning new things about ourselves, our lives, hopes, dreams, like I said no one is perfect, meaning there is always room for growth.
Learn to let go. Let go of things you can not change, of mistakes you have made and realize it is OK to make mistakes and that you will still make mistakes in the future. Remember to that everyone makes mistakes. This is how we learn important life lessons. Do not hold someone’s past mistakes over their head. I promise your life will be so much better once you stop dwelling over past events and change or try to fix the things you can. It might only take that one crucial, meaningful conversation, to lead to a better, happier future for yourself.
What I want everyone to realize is how fast life goes by. One day you wake up and before you know its been 5 years since you’ve talked to someone who used to be such an important part of your life. All because of something which at the time seemed like the end of the world, like such a huge deal, when in reality it was a misunderstanding that got blown way out of proportion. A lack of communication. Whatever the reason, don’t wait to try to fix things until its too late. Try your best to live a life with no regrets. Swallow your pride every once in a while. I promise it will be worth it in the long run, whether that’s a day, week, month or year from now. You’ll look back and be thankful. One day you’ll realize how much better your life is, notice the less stress you have to deal with. There’s no point in stressing over things you can change.
Make the change today, take the steps to your happier future.
Feel free to share your experiences with me, with others.
May all the luck, strength and courage be yours,