Listen to Her

Listen to her when she has the courage to sit you down, to tell you how she is feeling. When she talks, give her your undivided attention. Let her know that her words are important to you, that it is okay for her to open up. Make her feel safe.

Listen to the way her voice breaks, notice how her eyes are filling with the tears she’s trying to hold back. Over flowing with emotion, now more than ever she needs you to listen. To hear every word she is saying and understand the way she is hurting.

Listen, you will hear her heart re-break as she replays all the ways you have hurt her. Her guard is down, becoming completely vulnerable. Laying everything that fills her mind, thoughts that keep her up at night on the table in front of you.

Your reaction is everything during this crucial time. Do not get mad, Do not turn away. Do not try to justify why you may have done what you did or say what you said. More important than anything else, do not raise your voice at her. Ever.

Making her feel as though the way she is hurting is invalid will only shut her down. She will bottle up all her feelings. Starting to pull away, the connection you two once had will slowly start to unravel. Once you make her feel this way, everything will start to change.

“It’s Fine” , “It is Okay” , “I don’t care” ; become regular statements. She’s pulling away. You cut her down. Every little thing you do now becomes so much bigger; the little things you say to ‘pick’ on her, how you ‘joke’ around, she will hold on to all of these moments. These will start to pile up.

Until one day she can not take it anymore. She won’t look at you with the same love in her eye, the way she did before. She’ll begin to see you in a different light. You will no longer be someone she desires. Your fingers running across her skin will no longer send chills down her spine. She’ll only wish you would keep your hands to yourself.

Once she realizes she has the strength, she will turn and walk away. Gathering what is left of her heart, out the door she will go. You can call all you want, beg her to come back, tell her you are sorry, you can try to reassure her that this time you will change. Your efforts will fail. You will realize what it feels like to be ignored.

It takes an unbelievable amount of strength, to listen to you beg and cry for her to come back. It will take all her might to ignore you. She will hang up and a few tears might fall, she might let a tear fall as she hits ignore again and again. She will not break. She will remember all the times you made her cry, how you stopped coming to hold her, how her tears no longer made you feel remorse. She will remember how you cut her down, made her feel invalid.

All you had to do was listen. Take the time to sit with her, hold her as she cried. All you had to do was hear the words that broke her, to change the way you speak to her, the way you make her feel when she comes home after a long day at work. Building her up instead of cutting her down would have made the difference. Instead she will learn to love herself again.

She will build herself back up. One day she will find that she doesn’t cry over the thought of you anymore. The way you hurt her will no longer make her cringe. She will find herself smiling, a true happy smile, for the first time in a long time.

All you had to do was listen.

But it is too late now.

Your Face

Your eyes captivate me,

hold onto me so tight, I’m lost in them.

Your ears listen to my stories,

the ones I never felt meant anything to anybody, until you.

Your lips mesmerize me,

I could watch you talk for hours,

although when they meet mine, the world is right.

Your face, is all I have ever dreamt of and more.

You are my dream come true.

 

“It is Okay, to Not Be Okay.”

Part 1 – Realization

As we go through life, experiencing new feelings and new emotions, we learn new lessons. These lessons make us stronger. Each day we become a better, stronger version of ourselves. But…

You don’t have to be strong all the time.

It is okay to let yourself cry, its okay to not always be “alright.”

It is not a sign of weakness. You have come so far. Take a look back at how far you have come. Be proud.

It is okay to be overwhelmed. This is a new start. You need to find your new normal, find yourself again.

Strong people are not strong 24/7. Even the strongest people you think you know, have moments of weakness. Everyone has them.

These moments of weakness come and they test us. They make us feel things we don’t want to feel. They make us force ourselves to remember why we are strong, why we are where we are today.

Our minds are so powerful. The mind will tempt us with good memories, with feelings of sadness and sorrow. It might make us question what we have done. It is okay to feel these things.

Know that these moments will pass, at the beginning we must take it moment by moment. We need to take these moments in, to remind ourselves why we are here. Why we have decided to do what we did.

It is in overcoming these moments of weakness, that we make ourselves stronger. The more we overcome, the stronger we become.

Part Two – Reassurance

This is why at the beginning; the first days, the first weeks, that we experience these moments so regularly. It is building a foundation, which our strength will grow upon.

Each life lesson gives us a new pillar of strength within. We are filled with these pillars of strength. Each new breakup will build a new pillar, with a new life lesson. New strength. These pillars come together to build that castle that is ourselves. The foundation to building a castle of love, love for one’s self. It is in finding new strength that we learn to love ourselves. Which is key in being capable of loving anything or anyone else truly.

It is so hard at first. Find strength and lean on those around you. Lean on your friends and family. People who build you up, push you to be better, push you to succeed. We have all felt this way one time or another.

My loving father reassured me one day, this day came after a night where I laid in bed and struggled to find my strength. Before I knew it, my mind was filled with all these thoughts. All the happy times, wondering how the other party was feeling. Picturing him struggling, sad. My body filled with over powering emotions. Next thing I knew tears where escaping from my eyes. It was in that moment that I had to force myself to remember why I made the decision I did. That I was in an unhealthy place in my life. It helped me to remember the encouraging and reassuring words my friends and family said to me when I had the courage to leave. Remembering how his grandfather had nothing but praise for my strength. Making myself see the bigger picture, reminding myself of the new, exciting goals I had set for myself. That morning I woke up stronger. I was reassured of this when my dad said “You know, you don’t always have to be so strong, Its okay.” In that moment I replied, “I know”. I did. I knew that my moments of weakness where not in fact weak, for they make me stronger.

Treasure every moment. Each struggle, each moment of weakness, these work to build a better version of yourself.

Next time there is a moment of weakness, believe in yourself. Do not cave in. Strive to overcome and celebrate your achievement. Feel the power within. Realize that our minds will tempt us, they will show us things that we don’t want to see. When picture the other party sitting there crying, realize that the reality is, they probably are going about their life just fine.

Remember why you changed your life. Remember your strength. This time is so important to work on ourselves. To build ourselves into even stronger, more amazing people.

Be proud of yourself always. Always strive to see your strength. Be amazed at what you are capable of. Love yourself first and the rest will follow.

Celebrate yourself. You are truly amazing.

 

xoxo

Ciara

*** My favourite song for this topic will always be “A Little bit Stronger” by Sara Evans. If you have not heard, I encourage you to listen. Take in the lyrics. She talks about how she gets a little bit stronger through every moment of her day. “It doesn’t happen over night, but you turn around and a months gone by and you realize you haven’t cried, I’m not giving you and hour or another moment longer, I’m busy getting stronger.” and “Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger.” The whole song is empowering to reassure that we are always getting stronger, we will never be the same, because we are stronger now than ever before.

Do you have a song that gets you through time of struggle? How do you push yourself to overcome moments of weakness?

Some of Life’s Beautiful Secrets

  1. Everything happens for a reason. This sounds cliché, but it is true. We often can not see the reason for something happening at the time, but one day when we look back, the reasoning will be crystal clear. I have learnt to trust the process.
  2. Time with family is time well spent. Every moment spent with loved ones should be cherished.  Time is not guaranteed. Life can change on a dime. It is important to always live life like it was our last moment. Tell people how you truly feel, reconnect with lost friends, be the change you wish to see and most importantly, always lift people up.
  3. Laugh often. Laughter is the greatest medicine and it is such an amazing feeling to truly laugh. Those laughs that make your belly ache. Live for those. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard it hurts.
  4. We are too young to ever be miserable. You are never too old to change your life. We should never spend more time in misery than we do happiness. Remember this. Live this.
  5. A year, in the grand scheme of life, is not a long time. When it comes to your whole life, one year is just a chapter. I have been in 2 “long-term”relationships both about 3 years long. However this time spent is so small compared to the life I have lived and the life still ahead of me. A year will fly by before we know it. Each month that comes and goes, we always say or hear “I can’t believe its already July!” or “Where did May go??” Live each day to its fullest, embrace all the lessons and learn from mistakes.
  6. Never “settle” because of time, you do not ever have to settle. If life is not happening as you wanted, or is not fulfilling your desires. Change it. Change your job, end a relationship, say what is on your mind. The power is all yours. Never settle for anything less than everything, everything you deserve, everything you have wanted.
  7. In times of high stress, remaining calm, omitting a calm energy will be the key to success. In my few years of experience with animals so far, I have learned to remain calm in high stress situations. Animals feed heavily off your energy, if you remain calm, it helps them to remain calm as well. Freaking out and getting mad over a situation doesn’t help and only makes it worse. Whether the situation be escaped animals running loose in the neighbourhood or an animal being hurt by another, always do your best to remain as calm as possible.
  8. The bond between a human and an animal can be amazingly strong. It is amazing how 2 beings of different species can connect without even ever speaking the same language. The understanding between this bond is unbelievable. It is absolutely magical how we can connect with other species. Always be kind to animals.
  9. Love is stronger than anything in the world. If only we would all let love in. Love for each other. Love for animals, Love for all living and non living things. I experience more each day, the meaning of love.
  10. Nature is spectacular. I have opened my eyes within the last 3 years to the beauty that lies within nature. The northern lights, the towering mountains, the way the weather can change almost instantly, the power mother nature has to grow and destroy at the same time. Within this new-found appreciation, I have grown.
  11. The past is not something to regret, but to learn from. We must take important lessons from the past and learn from them. We are constantly learning new things, becoming stronger and better people. Forgive yourself for the past, celebrate and embrace the future.
  12. Starting over is scary. But in the end it is so worth the rewards. Learning to love yourself again. It is never fair to put ourselves in an unhealthy situation and not remove ourselves when we always have the power to do so. It takes a lot of strength, but that strength is always within us, we just sometimes have to look for it. Again, never settle.
  13. People are brought into our lives for a reason. They are also taken from our lives for a reason.  As always, this reason isn’t always clear and it seems so very unfair. You have to trust in the process. Learn new things, hear new stories. Cherish every moment. Suffer through the pain. However, you must always love and never let those who are dearest to you slip away. Make a conscious effort in maintaining a relationship with those important to you, even when life gets hectic. It all happens for a reason, trust it.
  14. The mind is a powerful tool. Work with it. If it is positivity you want, you must think it. The mind attracts what it thinks. Negative attracts negative and when you turn that to positive, wonderful things start happening. Try it.
  15. “Trust your gut” Always. If your gut is telling you no. Then do not proceed. Intuition is another powerful thing we all possess. We must learn to listen to and trust it. You will be amazed if you actively start listening to yourself. You are smarter than you credit yourself for.

The first rainfall since the day I left

I can feel all the hurt, the pain, the tears, all the heart-break, it washes away with the rain

This is where I begin again, I am clean

Have you ever stopped to admire the beauty that is the wind?

Such a majestic, invisible force.

The most gentle breeze, caressing the flowers.

A little more force, making the bushes dance in its path.

Even more force, making trees drop at its feet.

The ability to gently soothe a hot summers day,

freeze an already freezing winters night,

cause mass destruction in a matter of minutes.

Thank the wind next time, for ruining your hair instead of your house.

 

-Ciara

A New Normal

When the passion is no longer there, the loving looks have disappeared and you realize you are more roommates than lovers, that’s when you find the courage to end it. Fight for it if it is worth fighting for, but if things can not or will not change, then you take the next step. Once you reach this state of mind, the path to leaving is clear, you just need to plan your escape and follow through. It is never fun to hurt someones feelings, but you can not stay in a miserable situation for the rest of your life. once you leave, it is as though a weight is lifted off your shoulders and you are so proud of how strong you have become. You are free.

The mind is a very powerful thing. While you know you have ended this relationship because things were not fixable, you lay there at night and your mind resorts to the good times you shared or the thought of how the other party might be coping. For the first couple days, maybe even weeks, you will be at battle with your own mind. You will have to find the same strength you had the day you left, you will need to force yourself to think of other thoughts. Think of why you left, remind yourself that you were not in a good place, excite yourself for the things to come. When you feel sad to think of how sad they might be feeling, remember that they did not consider your feelings all the times they were hurting you. You need to stay in control.

Lonely. Sometimes you will fight him. Even when you feel content where you are, trying to make a fresh, new start. He will creep up. You have to remember you are not lonely. Not in a way that you need a new partner right now or need to try to reconnect with your ex partner. This time is for you. You need to reinvent yourself. Find yourself, and learn to love yourself again, unconditionally. This is the most important time to lean on friends and family for support. Even if maybe you lost contact with some friends over the months, maybe even years. Message them, call them. If they truly were your friends, they will be there for you. You are loved.

Surround yourself with good people. Don’t just hang out with someone for company, hang out with someone because you value them as a person. They make you want to be a better person, they encourage you to strive to succeed. This is a time for rebuilding yourself. You need to find that original strength and harvest it. Make yourself stronger. The next time you decide to let someone into your life, you won’t let them get away with the little things like before. You will be confident in yourself and know what kind of love you deserve, you will expect nothing less. You are strong.

A new normal. Now you’ll have to find what this means. It will be weird at first. Even if the relationship wasn’t loving, there was still somewhat of a routine. Now you need to forget all you know, it didn’t work the first time (or maybe even the second time). This is the time to reinvent what normal is to you. Do the things you love, work on yourself. Take a course, write a book, reconnect with old friends (Be wise with this choice, reconnect with those who are valuable to your life, not those who may lead you down the wrong path.) This new normal will help shape you, build you into the strong, respectable person you are capable of becoming. You are independent.

It does get easier. If you find yourself struggling, take it moment by moment, then day by day, week by week, month by month. Delete them off Facebook, delete or even block their number. Clear out all the pictures, don’t let there be anything in your sight that will try to tempt you. You need to do this for you. They had a chance and they blew it. When you find you have the urge to reach out to them, to just send them a quick “I miss you” or “How are you doing?”. DO NOT. Message a close friend instead, redirect your train of thought. Force yourself to think about something else. It will only be really hard at the beginning, then after a while, you will sit back and realize that you haven’t thought about said person in a day, a week, or a month! Every day you get a little stronger, you become a little more independent. You can succeed, you can build a future that you will truly enjoy and love. One where you will be valued, respected and loved, truly loved, unconditionally. You will have to put in work. It will not come without a conscious effort. You need to do this for you.

You are safe. You made the right choice. It can only go up from here. You need to believe in yourself. You deserve so much more. This is the start to forever. A start to finding who you are and all you can be. Embrace it.

Always here,

XX Ciara

 

 

 

 

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