When the passion is no longer there, the loving looks have disappeared and you realize you are more roommates than lovers, that’s when you find the courage to end it. Fight for it if it is worth fighting for, but if things can not or will not change, then you take the next step. Once you reach this state of mind, the path to leaving is clear, you just need to plan your escape and follow through. It is never fun to hurt someones feelings, but you can not stay in a miserable situation for the rest of your life. once you leave, it is as though a weight is lifted off your shoulders and you are so proud of how strong you have become. You are free.

The mind is a very powerful thing. While you know you have ended this relationship because things were not fixable, you lay there at night and your mind resorts to the good times you shared or the thought of how the other party might be coping. For the first couple days, maybe even weeks, you will be at battle with your own mind. You will have to find the same strength you had the day you left, you will need to force yourself to think of other thoughts. Think of why you left, remind yourself that you were not in a good place, excite yourself for the things to come. When you feel sad to think of how sad they might be feeling, remember that they did not consider your feelings all the times they were hurting you. You need to stay in control.

Lonely. Sometimes you will fight him. Even when you feel content where you are, trying to make a fresh, new start. He will creep up. You have to remember you are not lonely. Not in a way that you need a new partner right now or need to try to reconnect with your ex partner. This time is for you. You need to reinvent yourself. Find yourself, and learn to love yourself again, unconditionally. This is the most important time to lean on friends and family for support. Even if maybe you lost contact with some friends over the months, maybe even years. Message them, call them. If they truly were your friends, they will be there for you. You are loved.

Surround yourself with good people. Don’t just hang out with someone for company, hang out with someone because you value them as a person. They make you want to be a better person, they encourage you to strive to succeed. This is a time for rebuilding yourself. You need to find that original strength and harvest it. Make yourself stronger. The next time you decide to let someone into your life, you won’t let them get away with the little things like before. You will be confident in yourself and know what kind of love you deserve, you will expect nothing less. You are strong.

A new normal. Now you’ll have to find what this means. It will be weird at first. Even if the relationship wasn’t loving, there was still somewhat of a routine. Now you need to forget all you know, it didn’t work the first time (or maybe even the second time). This is the time to reinvent what normal is to you. Do the things you love, work on yourself. Take a course, write a book, reconnect with old friends (Be wise with this choice, reconnect with those who are valuable to your life, not those who may lead you down the wrong path.) This new normal will help shape you, build you into the strong, respectable person you are capable of becoming. You are independent.

It does get easier. If you find yourself struggling, take it moment by moment, then day by day, week by week, month by month. Delete them off Facebook, delete or even block their number. Clear out all the pictures, don’t let there be anything in your sight that will try to tempt you. You need to do this for you. They had a chance and they blew it. When you find you have the urge to reach out to them, to just send them a quick “I miss you” or “How are you doing?”. DO NOT. Message a close friend instead, redirect your train of thought. Force yourself to think about something else. It will only be really hard at the beginning, then after a while, you will sit back and realize that you haven’t thought about said person in a day, a week, or a month! Every day you get a little stronger, you become a little more independent. You can succeed, you can build a future that you will truly enjoy and love. One where you will be valued, respected and loved, truly loved, unconditionally. You will have to put in work. It will not come without a conscious effort. You need to do this for you.

You are safe. You made the right choice. It can only go up from here. You need to believe in yourself. You deserve so much more. This is the start to forever. A start to finding who you are and all you can be. Embrace it.

Always here,

XX Ciara