How You Know It’s Over

One day it’s different. Maybe subconsciously you’ve always known this wouldn’t last forever. One day a switch is flipped, now you find yourself driving in your car or walking down the street just trying to figure out what your next move should be. One moment you think you’re so in love and next thing you know, you’re here…..

How do you know it’s over? How can you be sure that moving on is the best move?

When you come home from a long day at work and they no longer get up to greet you. It used to be nearly impossible to get through the day without them taking over your mind, now you find yourself having to actively remind yourself to talk to them at some point during the day. Your heart doesn’t race as you pull into the drive, excited to be in their arms. Excited to hear about their day. Instead, you pull in the drive, shut off the car and sit there for a moment. You finally drag yourself out of the car, up the stairs and pause, sighing before opening the door. It doesn’t matter how many times you say to them “Why don’t you get up when I come home anymore? You don’t even turn away from the tv. Hell you don’t even acknowledge my presence” Nothing has changed. You stop and think, just how long has this been going on? A couple of weeks…. a few months…..?

When their touch used to send bolts of electricity through your body and now you do your best to avoid contact. There is no more fire. Not even a small rush when their hand brushes yours. That warmth you felt when your skin touched has turned cold. There are no more cuddles as you watch your evening shows. Separate couches. Separate blankets. Separate bed times. One on the couch and the other in the bed.

When you are more roommates than lovers. *Please take note that when asked “Are we just roommates now?” in the heat of an argument, in a moment that could change the fate of your relationship, do not reply “Yes” unless you are okay with watching them walk out the front door and never looking back.* It doesn’t go unnoticed when you two begin to simply coexist, passing by each other, no talking, just doing your own separate tasks. Small talk and simple, meaningless conversations fill the empty, deafening silence. Both of you know what is slipping away, both of you know this will keep spiralling down hill unless something changes. At least I hope both people realize this, I hope one is not thinking that life is great, that the love is great and everyone is happy. No one in their right minds, no one in a ‘relationship’ should think this is okay. To coexist as roommates would.

When there are seldom “Good Mornings” followed by a simple touch on the arm and a kiss. Those moments when they used to turn to you, smile, kiss your forehead and the day would be started off on a positive, happy note. Now, the first words out of their mouth are sour, so bitter. Your thrown back and can’t remember when the last time you woke up happy. When was the last time you looked forward to seeing their face in the morning? Hell, when was the last time you looked forward to seeing them at all……? The future of this “relationship” is becoming clearer and clearer each day…

When the “little things” no longer happen. Yet it’s the smallest, simplest things that can save us. Like holding hands. The simple gesture that reminds the other that you are there. You are a team. They are your support, you can always lean on and turn to them when you need. Now it’s gone, it is all gone. Can you remember the last time they held your hand? Or the last time you reached to have their fingers fill the space between yours?

When you try and try again to talk to them. To try to get them to see how you are feeling, in hopes that something might change. If they want this as bad as you think someone “in love” should, they will try to do what it takes. Make a solid effort to make this work. Raised voices and hurtful words are all you hear in response. There is no remorse. No sympathy and no more love in their eyes. Who is this person, you don’t even recognize them anymore…When you can no longer talk to the person you thought you could tell the world to, what option do you have….? When you are no longer being listened to…. it becomes more evident that something needs to change.

When arguing becomes the norm. You used to rarely bicker and now that’s all you do. Everyone will argue. Every couple will bicker. But it should never cut the other down. The words “you make me miserable” or “I don’t even like being around you” should NEVER leave either of your mouths. Unless, again, you are ready to accept whatever consequences may come from such hate-filled statements. It’s moments like this that should make you realize that this is not what you deserve in life, it is never too late.

At some moment something needs to flip the switch. Sometimes, more often than not, it takes time for this to happen. It’s not something anyone wants to believe. No one goes into a relationship rooting for the end. Excited for the pain and the heartbreak that leads up to and follows the break. It’s after months of trying. Months of trying to talk and to change the inevitable outcome. With no prevail and constantly being cut down. When you’ve tried all you can, you know this can not go on for any longer. A relationship involves two parties. Two beings who need to put in work, time and effort to keep the love alive.  Without both sides doing their part, love fails.

It’s when we finally get to see someone’s true colours, when the rose-coloured glasses finally come off and we can now see. Love can blind us, but it can only blind us for so long until we finally see. It’s then that we find ourselves at these crossroads; we can stay, but only to realize that it still won’t change a thing, or we can choose ourselves and make the heart wrenching decision to leave and move on. As much as it will hurt, always choose you.

Always choose the decision that is best for you. You have been hurt enough. You have cried enough. Don’t ever be scared of hurting the others feelings in the end, always remember what lead you to this decision, why you even had to contemplate moving on in the first place. Always believe in yourself. Don’t let this negative person cut you down any further than they already have. See your true worth, chose the journey to self-love and learning to love yourself for who you truly are.

Trust and realize that everything truly happens for a reason, everyone comes into our lives for a reason. Whether that reason be a blessing or a lesson. Either way you are learning. You are becoming a stronger person with ever experience you have.

Always trust the process. Through the happy and the sad.

 

Signed by a woman learning to love herself again; know that you are never alone.

XX Ciara

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