“Sooooooooo….. Are you seeing anyone??” They ask, you can see the wonder filling their eyes, a smirk caresses their face.
*Sigh* The dreaded question all single people receive. You politely smile, replying “No, not right now.” The smirk fades, they aren’t sure what to say now. And so the story goes.
Then it gets me thinking, somehow after say 4 months of being truly single (not counting being alone in a relationship), but officially single, am I supposed to be ready to invest feelings into someone else? After a relationship of so many years, after all the trauma and pain endured…. am I supposed to allow someone else in? Am I supposed to be worrying about finding someone to go on a date with? Am I supposed to “get out there” and “have fun”?
In case you’re stumped, the answer to all the above is NO.
What you are “supposed” to do, is find yourself. Rebuild after the storm. Invest in you. It is a daily battle and one hell of a climb. Don’t count the days, I don’t know how long I have been single, sure I could go back and figure it out, but I choose not too. I choose to continue moving forward. At no point is it “fun” to “get out there” and have your emotions played with by some male who isn’t looking for much more than a game.
No specific amount of days are going to make it all of a sudden “okay”.
I think the secret lies in the fact that we can’t go out and look for someone. After all, how are we to find the one we are looking for when we most likely have never met? Then the secret must be to let love find you. If it is meant to be, it will be.. right? To add to that, we can not just accept the first candidate that comes into our lives. In order to determine if this one has a fighting chance, we have to interview them. We are so good at our private investigating skills, we have to put these to good use. Ask questions that might scare them, ask about dreams, about goals, kids, marriage? Just ask it all. (Maybe not on the first date, but before you invest to many feelings into this candidate. You want to know if they are worth fighting for.) Maybe they’ll run off screaming, but that is okay too. One day you will ask the questions, they’ll stay and they’ll ask for more. This is the result we want.
Today, I find solitude in being alone, in learning who I am as well as who I want to be.
Not a day goes by that I am not working on me. My past efforts have failed me and here I am back at square one. While the journey has not been easy, I have struggled and I still do. I would not change a single moment of struggle for anything, the journey is evolving me into the person I always hoped to be (even better).
How wonderful is it to be able to build and invest in yourself? Absolutely amazing. How cool is it to set new goals and be able to dream again? At this point in my life, it is not even a new chapter I am working on. It’s a whole damn book. The story of the girl is done. I’m working on the book of The Woman. The Dreamer. The Go-Getter. The Unshakable Tree.
Start working on those roots of yours, the roots that define who you are, what you stand for, believe in, fight for. There is no correct amount of time that should be spent on this. We don’t need to be out there “dating”, we don’t need someone in our lives for the sole purpose of not having an empty bed. You should one day allow someone into your life because you want them in it and are fully capable of loving them whole heartedly because you whole heartedly love yourself. Not because it is convenient or comfortable, or worse yet, because you are lonely.
Say it with me “I will not allow another boy dressed like a man to enter my life.”
Being single is a very important and crucial time in one’s life. Whether it’s spent smoking and drinking your face off or actually building and bettering yourself is another story. It is true that we aren’t “getting any younger”, but investing in ourselves is not something to be rushed or taken lightly. It is scary to think about letting someone into your life one day, who will have the ability to break the heart you spent so much time and energy fixing. However, If we spend the time on ourselves now, truly grow and develop, we won’t allow just anyone in. When we finally deem someone as worthy, it will be right.
Become someone worth fighting for.
Know your self-worth. Stand out. Be “weird”. Be different. Grow yourself strong roots that can weather the worst of storms. Find and do what you love. Set goals. Dream. Don’t obsess over finding someone, let love find you.
One day, you’ll find someone worth fighting for, but will you be worth fighting for?
Enjoy the journey,